It's Not Over
by MeredithGreyPotter1
Summary: MerDer. Early Episodes of Season Four. New Interns, New Residents, New Singles. That can only mean one thing New Drama, New Pain, New Love.
1. I was Blown Away

_**Disclaimer: So the title of this fic says it all. It's Not Over. Shonda on the other hand says it is over. So over. See the difference?**_

Meredith woke up the morning after the wedding-that-wasn't. She had fallen asleep on Burke and Cristina's… on _Cristina's_ couch, and Cristina had fallen asleep in the bedroom. Meredith numbly walked to the door, checking on her friend who lay in bed with her hair mussed and her make up smudged, her eyebrows worn off. She had the blankets drawn up around her body, still in her undergarments from yesterday, and she clung to Burke's pillow, sorry and sadness evident on her face even in sleep.

Meredith sighed, feeling an empty pit begin to grow in her stomach as she thought of the day before and the day that lay ahead of her. Her stomach flipped as she thought of going into work to see Derek… Derek. The man who she'd called her McDreamy, the person that she was going to spend the rest of her life with. Tears pricked at her eyes as she remembered that, and she swallowed, fighting them back.

She turned and went to the small kitchen area, searching for a coffee pot and the coffee mix. She frowned when she found them both; now all she had to do was figure out how to make it. She knew how to make coffee, that much was true, but Burke apparently had some sort of fancy, state of the art maker, with a million different buttons that worked with some sort of press instead of the regular drip maker she was used to. She sighed, starting to take the machine apart, checking the directions every five seconds, before she finally put the machine back together, coffee successfully inside of it. Now all she had to do was figure out which button to push.

"Brew…" She thought for a moment before shrugging. "As good as heat or instant I guess." She said to herself before pressing a button. She smiled proudly as the scent of coffee slowly started to fill her nostrils and she turned, walking away from it. She looked down at the dress she wore. The brown dress that she'd worn yesterday. She hadn't brought any clothes with her to the apartment yesterday, so her best hope was that Cristina would allow her to wear something.

She rustled into the bedroom, and looked around. Cristina's eyes were open, but she hadn't moved from her position. Honestly, Meredith was scared. She'd never seen her friend like this, but then again, she guessed that it was her turn to pick up the pieces. She'd been broken enough by, Derek, it was only fair she help glue back whatever was left of Cristina. She went to a drawer and pulled it open carefully, blinking as she saw that Burke's clothes were still in it.

"We alternated drawers… mine are the second and the fourth." Cristina's quiet voice broke through the thick, silent air. Meredith looked at her and opened her mouth to say something but thought better of it. She turned and closed the third drawer which she'd opened before opening the second drawer above it. She pulled out a pair of jeans and a long sleeved top, closing the drawer and leaving the room. Once she was in the living room she stripped of her clothes; her dress lay in a heap on the floor and her stockings accompanied them. She pulled on the jeans and the top, feeling freer already, and she left her clothes where they were as she went to check on the coffee.

Rich, warm smells assaulted her and she poured herself a cup, inhaling before taking a gulp from it. It was smooth and she definitely had to give Burke a hand; he'd most definitely done his research before purchasing this machine, and it hadn't been faulty.

She went into Cristina's room and watched her. She still hadn't moved and Meredith made her decision.

"I'll let them know you're not coming in today." She said before turning and exiting the room. She didn't have anything to take with her to the hospital, and this would be her first day as a resident. She supposed she could get her scrubs there and she usually tried to keep a spare stethoscope in the car, as she sometimes had trouble finding her original one. She finished her coffee in silence before going to the door, pulling it open. She decided not to say goodbye to Cristina; she would hear the door close.

The drive to the hospital was silent and when she got there she decided to take the stairs; elevator encounters were not exactly her number one hope for today. She got to the locker room and immediately found that things were different. Not only was Cristina missing, George was missing as well; Alex was looking more morose than usual and Izzie looked numb, and empty, not unlike how she had after Denny died. She went to her locker and opened it, pulling out a pair of scrubs that she kept there and she began to change. New interns began to pile in and she looked them over quickly, one girl catching her eye for a brief moment longer than the others.

She hung her spare stethoscope around her neck couldn't help but smile as she saw Dr. Bailey walk into the room and she began to address the new interns.

"And you three," she began, pointing to her old ones. Alex, Izzie, and Meredith instantly straightened up, alert and ready. "If I see anything, or if I hear anything about you killing patients, playing hooky, giving the new interns hell, you're all going on scut." She said. They blinked at her and Alex was the first to respond.

"You can't do that."

"You're not our boss anymore." Izzie chimed in.

"That's completely unfair." Meredith said in disbelief. Bailey raised her eyebrows at them. "You think just because your internship is over I still don't own you?" She snorted. "You so damn stupid. When are you gonna figure out I own everything?" She said in her classic style; yet there was something forced about her words. The three shook off her warning and left the room as she continued her speech to the interns.

"She can't actually put us on scut can she? I mean she's not technically our boss anymore, right?" Izzie asked quickly.

"Who knows. They don't call her the Nazi for a reason." Alex said. Meredith however remained quiet, her eyes trained on a certain neuro-surgeon. He looked horrible. Circles lined his eyes and it was clear he hadn't gotten much sleep if any last night. His hair was wild and his face was drawn as he wrote on a chart. He pushed it towards a nurse and ran a tired hand over his face before turning around, away from her line of vision. She swallowed and fought back the urge to go run up to him and hold him, take it back, say she lied, say anything to make them ok again. But she couldn't It was over… _so over_.

Maybe it was for the best. She didn't know if she saw a future for them or not… she had seen a future, she had plans… but after Derek left her for his wife… she lost those plans.

"_Liz… Liz was my wife… and when she died… you do this thing, where you stop making plans."_

She knew what Finn had been talking about. It was as if Derek had died… he hadn't just killed their relationship, what they had, he'd killed himself, effectively wiping himself from her life. He was there and then he wasn't.

"_Like I blinked and he was gone."_

She swallowed and turned away, swerving in the opposite direction down the hall.

"Meredith?"

She heard her name being called by Izzie and Alex, but she ignored them, continuing her journey down the hall. She needed to find something to do, anything to do. Why oh why couldn't she be an intern?

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Derek had left the wedding the night before and gone immediately to the hospital. Surgeries were the only thing that could cure him, and even they were a temporary fix. Nothing could make him forget…

"_It's over… it's so over…"_

He clenched his jaw as he went to the elevator and pressed a button, somewhat surprised when the doors opened without a wait. He stepped on and pressed close, not waiting for anyone else. He needed to be alone. If only for a floor, he needed to be alone.

She had ended it. They'd… he fought, and she fought, and they fought… and now they were broken. Completely broken. He has always been willing to be with her, always. And she had been too. But now it seemed, she wasn't. And he didn't know what that meant.

The door opened at the next level and a girl dressed in light blue scrubs, with dark brown hair that was cut short looked up and met his eyes. She blinked a few times, her mouth falling open in class Grey style, and finally she uttered one word.

"Crap."

Derek himself groaned inwardly as he looked at the door.

"_I must have an intern magnet."_ He thought moodily to himself.

"Hi… I'm um…"

"An intern." He supplied shortly.

"Yeah… first day." She said. "I uh…"

He sighed. Not only was it an intern it was a first day intern. Just his luck. Deciding to be polite he held out his hand.

"Dr. Derek Shepherd."

Her eyes widened. "Neuro-surgeon Dr. Shepherd? As in Chief of Neuro-surgery?" She asked, her voice rising in pitch a little on the last few words, and he nodded.

"That would be the one." He said.

"Crap." She said again before taking his hand and shaking it.

"I'm um… Lexie. Lexie Grey." She said and Derek froze in his spot.

"Grey?"

"Yeah… my Mom, Susan Grey… she died here about a week ago…" her voice became a little quieter. "And my half-sister Mer--"

"Meredith…" he finished her sentence softly, panic rising a little. "Meredith, I know her." He said and she nodded. "Right well… she works here, and it's home so I figured…. Why not try to get a job here! And here I am." She said.

"Right…" he couldn't stay there, he needed to think.

"Nice to meet you Dr. Grey." He said.

"Nice to meet you too Dr. Shepherd." She replied with a smile. It was a nice smile, different from Meredith's… but the fact was, that she wasn't Meredith, no matter who her father was, and no matter what the last name was.

"I'll see you around." He said before stepping out of the elevator and walking briskly down the hall.

"Yeah, um… bye!" She called to his retreating back.

He turned a corner and nearly ran head on into a small body.

"Sorry,"

"Sorry, I wasn't… oh… hi." Meredith whispered softly.

"Hi," he said in a low voice.

"_So near, yet so far."_ He thought wryly, and she thought the same.

"I um…" she started.

"Yeah," he said. She started to move past him and after an awkward little dance she made it.

"Meredith?" He said and she turned.

"Yeah?"

"I…" he sighed. "Never mind."

She nodded and turned slowly, making her way around the corner. She ran to the elevator, just in time to see it close. "Hold the door please!" She called as she sprinted and managed to slip in just in time.

"Thanks." She said.

"No problem." The pretty girl flashed her a smile. There was a pause before Meredith decided to make chit-chat. She didn't know why she chose to, but she figured that as a resident she needed to make the new interns feel welcome.

"Are you new here?"

"Yeah. First day actually." The girl answered with a nervous smile. "I'm kind of scared."

Meredith chuckled. "Don't be. Even if you have the Nazi as your resident, you'll live." She said.

The girl laughed with her for a moment. "Yeah well, I already flirted with my boss, so I guess things can't get much more awkward." She said. This caught Meredith's interest and she looked at her out of the corner of her eye. "Really?" a small smile came on her face. "I did the same thing once."

"Really? Wow… at least I'm not the only one. I mean, you did it and you lived." She said.

"_Barely."_ Meredith thought to herself.

"Yeah, I guess I did!" She smiled cheerfully… too cheerfully. Izzie cheerfully.

"So who'd you flirt with? I got Dr. Shepherd." The girl offered with a laugh. Meredith froze in her spot and plastered a tense smile on her face.

"Really? Der- Dr. Shepherd?" She said through her teeth. The girl nodded. "Yeah. We met in a bar about two nights ago. Turns out…"

"I know this story." Meredith said. And it was true she did. Girl in a bar, guy in a bar… the only thing that was different was that he hadn't slept with her. Things may have been rough between her and Derek, but she knew that he would never cheat on her.

Meredith turned to her and offered her hand. She might as well get to know the competition.

"_The old competition. She's not the competition anymore, you broke up with him remember?"_

"I'm Meredith… Meredith Grey." She said and the girls eyes widened.

"Meredith?" She smiled brightly. "I had no idea it was you!" She took her hand. "I'm Lexie, Lexie Grey. Thatcher's other daughter." She said.

"_Crap."_

_I was blown away. What could I say? It all seemed to make sense. You've taken away everything, and I can't deal with that. I try to see the good in life, but good things in life are hard to find._

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_**First chapter of a new fic! And as usual, I'm kind of nervous. I might try a little bit of a different writing style this time around… not too much, just a little tweak here and there… this is a MerDer story, so don't worry about Lexie… at least for the long run. **_

_**So this is the chapter where everyone meets everyone else. And Cristina doesn't come into work… because she just got left at the altar. We'll see her soon though. **_

_**There's really not much to explain here… so I'll cut my rambling short. Thank you so much for reading and please review!! Especially since this is my first chapter….**_

_**Ta-ta for now!**_


	2. Good Things in Life are Hard to Find

**_Disclaimer: Lexie is to Meredith and Derek as Addison was to Meredith and Derek… NBD. At least in my world…._**

**_A/N: Guess what, my net's out! GAH!! Worst. Nightmare. EVER. So yeah, I'll try to have it back asap. In the meantime I'm using another lap top, which isn't technically mine. It sucks and I hate it because I don't have any notes or outlines for chapters or files on here. And I don't have any place to save a document in order to upload one to FF. So I'm writing the story over at the GA ff board, and doing a whole lot of twists and turns in order to post it here for you guys. The good news? Since I'm writing over there you guys have some new chapters coming to you after this!! ... After reviews of course ;) _**

Meredith slammed her tray down on the table in the cafeteria at lunch, dragging her chair out roughly, wincing as it made a screeching sound. Alex and Izzie exchanged glances for a moment and Alex shrugged at Izzie before taking another large bite of his sandwich and chewing in a slack-jawed manner. Izzie made a face at him before turning to Meredith, who had ripped the plastic lid off her salad and was currently stabbing her salad with her fork repeated times, somehow not managing to get a piece of lettuce to stick to the fork.

"Uh… Mer, are you ok?" Izzie asked, jumping a little as Meredith gave a particularly violent stab.

"No. I am not ok. Because it seems like Derek has a scent on him. One that attracts new interns in bars before their first day of work,"

She held up her fork, punctuating the air. "Interns, which apparently he flirts with, and they flirt back." She said before her fork went sailing back into her lettuce, finally managing to snag a piece, which she shoved into her mouth. She dropped her fork and leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms and she began to chew irritably.

Izzie and Alex exchanged another look before Izzie moved closer to Meredith. "Mer, sweetie, um, maybe you should just…" she looked at the woman who was chewing her lettuce to a pulp. "Um…" she cleared her throat. "What I'm trying to say is maybe… you don't know the whole story. You know like you misread the situation?" Izzie said as more of a question than a statement, trying not to get her head bit off. Meredith stopped chewing and gave her a look.

"I did so not misread the situation, ok? Oh! And did I happen to mention who the girl was? Because who the girl is, that's really the great part." She said with a highly sarcastic laugh, picking up her fork again and jamming it into her salad, forking a few more pieces of lettuce into her mouth.

"It seems Thatcher has flirt-with-McDreamy-genes, because," she began to tick things off on her fingers. "The girl that Derek flirted with, in a bar, before her first day of work, was coincidentally," she added air quotes to the last word. "My so-called sister Lexie. His _other_ daughter who just happened to go to med school, and who just happened to apply for her residency at this hospital." Meredith said, picking up her water bottle and taking a swig before slamming it down on the table. She moved back in her chair with a screech and she picked up her tray.

"So, no, Iz, I did not misread the situation." She said turning and walking briskly out of the cafeteria, people staring at her as she left. Izzie turned to Alex, her eyes wide and her mouth open, no sound coming out.

"That was…" she trailed off and Alex snorted.

"Shepherd's definitely in for it."

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Meredith threw her lunch tray away before walking through the hallway to the elevator, trying to calm herself down. She pressed the button and waited for the elevator to come, leaning against the wall, taking deep breaths. She closed her eyes and when she opened them she saw a familiar flash of black, curly hair and blue scrubs.

She frowned and followed the person to the restroom, slipping in with them.

"Cristina?"

Her friend turned to her, clutching at a coffee cup, her hair frazzled.

"What do you want?" She asked in a sharp tone.

Meredith paused and looked at her before carefully speaking again.

"I left you at your… the apartment. What happened, why'd you leave?"

Cristina gave her hard look.

"Surgical Junkie, Mer." She snapped. "Burke left me, whatever, it happens. I didn't even want to get married." She said.

"But yesterday with the dress and the--"

"It's called relief." She said, her tone not changing. "Now if you'll excuse me," and with that, Cristina was down the hall, walking swiftly, swerving this way and that to stay out of the way of crash carts and gurneys.

Meredith gawked at her back for a moment before turning her head a little, her mouth closing and she thought. She shook her head and turned, making her way back to the elevator. She pressed the call button once more and waited for it leaning one hand against the wall, her head bowed to the floor. Finally the door started to open and she looked up, her face falling into a semi-painful frown.

There was something oh so familiar about the sight of the neuro-surgeon and the way he leant on the back wall of the elevator, his arms crossed and head down. He looked up and clenched his jaw, trying to hide the many emotions that went across his face, succeeding with hardly any.

_"His eyes, stay away from his eyes."_

She thought to herself, knowing that if she looked into him and saw the torture, her knees would weaken and she'd be extremely tempted to fall into the elevator, kiss him passionately and declare her love for him, to tell him everything she thought and why she pushed him away, at least why she had been pushing him in the last few weeks. She'd cling to him and desperately plead with him to forgive her, even for things she wasn't sure of, and she'd beg him not to pursue her half-sister, try to convince him that that might be worse than Addison.

She squeezed her eyes shut to stop the images flowing through her head. Ridiculous fantasy, even if she did love him she was most certainly not falling at his feet. If they were meant to be together ever again, they would be, but she would not do anything as low down as begging for him.

_"Not again anyway."_ She thought.

The matter of her half-sister was another one. She sighed.

"I'll take the stairs."

She announced, dragging out the words wearily, turning away.

He looked after her before nodding sadly and bowing his head again, the doors closing.

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Lexie was the classic intern.

Rather, she was the classic Grey intern.

Just like her sister had on her first day, she too got lost. Although she wasn't as lucky to do it while wheeling a patient around… not that getting lost with a patient was one's favorite thing to do, but at least she would be doing more than checking on labs. She'd successfully made it to the lab for the first time that day and then she'd tried to go back to the main nurse's station. She'd gotten lost and somehow wound up in the hospital basement, walking through the maze that was the tunnels.

Her pager was going off, but she couldn't attend to it because she couldn't find her way out. She was seriously getting scared and she frowned as she noticed how little reception her cell phone got.

"Perfect… just perfect." She muttered. Suddenly, she heard footsteps coming down the hall and she whirled in her spot, trying to figure out which way they were coming from.

"Hello?" she called out and the footsteps stilled for a moment.

"Is anyone there?" she tried again. "I'm uh… new here, and I'm kind of lost… could you please help me?" she asked.

"Unless you're like on your way to a life-saving surgery, then it's perfectly fine by me to pass me by." She added quickly. She thought she heard a light chuckle and the footsteps resumed, becoming louder as the person who was making them got nearer and nearer.

A man dressed in blue scrubs approached her, a smile on his face, his eyes sparkling, confidence in them.

"Well, well, well. Look at what we've got here." The man said and Lexie smiled nervously.

"Hi… I seem to be a bit lost," she said. "I was wondering if maybe you could help me out?"

The man looked her over, giving her body an appreciative glance. "I could definitely help you out. The question is, could you help me out?" He said, crossing his arms over his chest, his smile widening.

Lexie blinked at him for a moment, her jaw open. "I… sorry?" she muttered, completely confused. "Look, I'm just trying to find my way out of these…" she looked around. "Tunnels." She said. "I'm on my way back from the lab and—"

The man chuckled. "Save it Grey." He said and she became even more confused. "How did you…?"

The man grinned and motioned towards her chest. She looked down and back up at him, stunned, anger beginning to show on her face.

"You bas--"

"It's called a name tag." He said exasperated, rolling his eyes a little. She looked down again and her hand slapped over her ID.

"Oh." She said meekly and the man let out a chuckle.

"So any relation to my favorite dirty mistress?" He asked, starting to walk down the hall. She blinked at him before beginning to run to catch up with him. "Uh, excuse me?"

"You really are green aren't you?" He remarked. When he didn't get a reply he continued. "Meredith Grey. Former dirty mistress of Seattle Grace." He stuck out his hand.

"Mark Sloan, former dirty mistress of New York." He said and she took his hand. "Lexie Grey… but I guess you already knew that." She said and he grinned.

"I know everything about just about everything. Especially the female staff of this hospital. Every miniscule detail." He said, offering her a wink. She fought back a small shudder and continued to walk with him.

"I have no… details for you Dr. Sloan." She said.

"Not yet you don't." he said confidently.

She didn't respond.

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"Dr. Shepherd!" A voice called after him and he groaned.

_"Not again."_

"Dr. Shepherd," a breathless Lexie caught up with him and he turned to face her, his hands on his hips. "Yes?"

She stopped to catch her breath for a moment before thrusting some test results into his hands.

"He has a bleed on his frontal lobe. I just got back the tests that you ordered this morning." She said.

Derek took the results and scanned them quickly, intently and the young intern ignored the small flip-flop she felt in her stomach as she watched him.

He sighed as he saw she was right, and he looked up. He studied her for a moment. She was Meredith's sister, that he'd flirted with in a bar, but she was still an intern. An intern who, as an attending, he needed to teach. This qualified as teaching.

And after all, if her sister had scrubbed in on her first day, and on a far more complicated procedure at that… why shouldn't she?

He forced a smile. "Dr. Grey, how would you like to scrub in with me?" he asked. Her eyes widened and lit up immediately. Her face brightened and he had to admit it was nice to see.

"Are you… yes, yes of course!" She said eagerly and he chuckled. "Alright, meet me in OR 1 in twenty minutes, I'm going to go make the arrangements." He said, walking away. He felt a pair of eyes on him and he scanned the hall for a moment.

He swore he saw a familiar flash of hair.

And if he had been closer to that hair, he would have smelled the lavender that accompanied it.

_I try to see the good in life, but good things in life are hard to find. We'll blow it away, blow it away. Can we make this something good?_

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**_Woo, another chapter!! Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed last chapter, it meant a lot to me!_**

So yeah. See how nice and sweet I'm making Lexie out to be? If you knew me, you would be extremely proud of me. Considering how I'm running my mouth about her to my friends constantly (hey, they agree with me 100) but yeah, like I said, it's a miracle how nice I'm making her. Thing is, remember Addison? How we hated her, and then most of us found ourselves unable to hate her for too long? At least when she was with Derek. Well yeah… I have a feeling that Lexie's gonna be that say way too… just a hunch.

Ah, so the chapter starts out light. And in general it stays light for the remainder of it. Cristina's there because she's Cristina. Well, no, there's more to it, but that's all I'm saying for now. And then Mer and Der almost have an elevator ride. Honestly, I don't think I've ever written an elevator scene with them. Shocking, I know! This fic is my attempt to rectify that mistake, especially since "Stolen" is an AU without elevators.

And how many of you were just a teensy bit scared when Lexie was in the tunnels? I mean, the guy in blue scrubs… I hope you didn't think that was going to be Derek. Well, actually it was, but then I got the idea for Mark. I like it, hope you do too!

And then Derek asks Lexie to scrub in. This… I hate it, but he's her teacher. It's his job, it had to be done. And that little flip flop Lexie gets? Well, seriously. You guys know how hot it is when Derek looks over a chart, right? He gets like… that look on his face…

Anyhoo… haha, that was the chapter, and this was my rambling! Hope you liked! Thanks for reading and please review! I'll update ASAP!

Ta-ta for now!


	3. Can We Make This Something Good?

The day was finally ending, and truthfully it couldn't have come sooner. They'd spent the day getting some basic training, which was really extremely pointless. They'd spent the past year as an intern, wasn't that the point of that whole year? They had also been given at least one week to determine their preferred specialty, though they would still be dabbling in others here and there, and honestly, Meredith had no idea what she wanted to do.

No, that was a lie. Neuro, she wanted to do neuro, but... things with her and Derek made it awkward. And if she picked that specialty, he would be her definite boss, for pretty much the rest of her life. Not that he wasn't already, but if she chose neuro, it would make it official. Meredith sighed as she threw her things into her bag and trudged out of the locker room. She made her way to the elevator, looking both ways down the hallway and checking all four corners of the tiny box that would be her prison if he were to step foot in it before stepping on and pressing her floor number. Her thoughts drifted away from the topic of choosing her specialty, and on to the many other things that had happened to her that day.

Lexie. Cristina. Derek. Lexie. Lexie. A very interesting discussion on how a surgeon would treat fungus that Alex and Izzie had engaged in, which she'd been forced to listen to... and Derek, Lexie, and Cristina again.

She sighed. Cristina had shown up and spent the whole day trying to be, "Hello, I'm totally fine person!" as Izzie had once called her, and she clutched a coffee cup the entire day. More like on-the-edge-of-a-mental-breakdown person. Fine was definitely not the word to describe her.

Izzie and Alex… Izzie was out of it. There was something there. She was laughing and joking with Alex, and they were… them. But something was different with both of them. Izzie probably missed George, they all did since he transferred to Mercy West, but Alex's problem was a total mystery… the nurses were gossiping about how they'd seen him revisit Rebecca Pope's room over and over again at various points throughout the day, but why would he be doing that?

She got off the elevator and walked into the lobby, looking out at the rainy Seattle sky. Joe's… she hadn't been there in awhile. She hadn't actually had a need to go there for awhile. Life had been good, she and Derek had been good… she never went to Joe's when she and Derek were good, not even during their first shot. She'd never needed to, because she was with him… she had him. And then things had collapsed and she'd needed her two poisons – men and tequila. Lots and lots of men and tequila. She'd cut down on the men after awhile, but the alcohol that she consumed stayed the same… after awhile it became a tradition to go to Joe's after a long day at work to just hang out, sometimes even with just a glass of water.

And then prom had happened and things had been good… and now this happened. She supposed it was time she gave Joe a visit. A dark smile appeared on her face.

_"Maybe I'll meet a man… and maybe he'll be Derek's long lost second cousin twice removed."_

It was the only thing she could think of, considering that Derek didn't have any brother's.

She caught a quick glimpse of her sister, stepping off another elevator and she quickly walked out into the rainy night, the rain falling gently on her as she made her way across the street. She ran through the small parking lot that surrounded the bar and she pulled the door open, the bells jingling as they signaled her arrival.

"Well, well, well, look who it is! I haven't seen you in awhile." Joe's voice boomed over the loud music, laughing people and thudding darts. Meredith offered him a small smile before sitting down on a stool.

"Two of the usual." She said and he made a face.

"They haven't been usual in quite some time." He said, pouring her two shots of tequila nonetheless.

"Yeah well… I haven't had need of the usual in quite some time." She said before tossing one of the shots back, savoring the feel of the alcohol burning down her throat.

"McDreamy?" He questioned her and she winced at the nickname before nodding, turning her empty shot glass upside down and placing it on the bar. "Yeah. McDreamy."  
She said.

Joe sighed, pouring her another shot. "This one's on me." He said, pushing it in front of her.

"So what'd he do this time?"

Meredith sighed, twirling another shot in front of her, staring into it. "I'm not…" she swallowed. "I think… maybe we…." She sighed, throwing the shot back.

She couldn't think, and if she couldn't think now then it was probably not an option for the rest of the night. But alcohol made her throw away all her inhibitions, it made her speak freely… maybe this was just what she needed. Maybe she needed to be able to speak her mind, maybe this was how she could figure out where they'd gone wrong. Because where had they gone wrong? Everything had been perfect, and then…

"He doesn't want to breathe for me." She said suddenly. "He doesn't want… he doesn't want to breathe for me, and then all of a sudden he's flirting with women in bars and then I'm the love of his life…." She looked up at Joe, her eyes cloudy from the alcohol she'd consumed. "That's weird. Isn't it?" she asked.

Joe held up his hands and shook his head a little. "Hey, I have no more of an idea about what's going on in that head than you do." He said.

She snorted lightly in amusement. "So that would be nothing…" she murmured, looking at the third shot. The bell jingled behind her but she didn't look to see who it was, she didn't really care. If it were one of her friends they would sit with her, and if it were Derek….

She shook her head. It wouldn't be Derek. It couldn't be Derek.

She tensed as she heard a stool move next to her and she heard someone sit in it.

"Um… something light please." The person said in a girly voice. Meredith bit back a groan as she turned to face her half-sister, pasting the best smile she could on her face.

"Lexie." She acknowledge her, receiving a bright smile in return. "Meredith." She said, nodding her thanks as she received a drink. She took a sip and the two sat awkwardly for a moment, the silence thick between them.

"So…." Lexie began before Meredith straightened up in her seat. "You know I hate to do this, but I've gotta go. I had a long day today… first day as a resident and all, so I think I should be going." She said in her best apologetic tone.

"Oh… oh yeah, of course."

Meredith flashed her yet another fake smile and tossed back her third shot before hopping off her seat. She stumbled a little, grabbing hold of the bar to steady herself, before picking up her things and turning to the door.

The door where Derek was standing, frozen in his spot, looking back and forth between Lexie and Meredith. She swallowed as she met his gaze, trying to keep a cold, hard exterior, while her insides melted from the heat and intensity that he was shooting at her.

His eyes dropped to the floor as she slowly walked towards him. He couldn't look at her, not now, not after yesterday and today and everything that had happened. His eyes watered as he realized how close he was to her and he took a rattling breath when she spoke.

"You're in my way." She said bluntly, loud enough for a few people to hear before her voice dropped. "But I'm not in yours… so why don't you go ahead and sit down at that bar, and have a drink… double scotch single malt… and ask that girl if this is a good place to hang out," his eyes snapped upwards and he gave her a scathing look. How dare she say that. How dare she think he would pick up her sister in a bar, much less with the same lines he had used on her. A thought crossed his mind as he wondered if she even knew that was her sister, but then he realized he'd had to. Even if they hadn't met before that moment, hospital gossip traveled fast, and there would definitely be hospital gossip about having two Grey sisters in one hospital, one from Ellis and the other… not.

"And after that you can slide your hand up her thigh, whisper things in her ear, and take advantage of her… just like you did me." She moved her mouth closer to his ear. "Another Grey woman to cross off the list… maybe you can go after my other sister… her husband's at war, I'm sure he won't find out--"

Suddenly her back was slammed against the doorway, Derek's body pinning her there, fury in his eyes.

"I will never do that… I could never do that."

"I never thought you'd go back to your wife either, but we see what happened there." She spat, venom in her voice. Drunk, she was drunk, and she couldn't stop the anger that poured from her mouth. Some part of her knew she was being unfair, but she had always had a tendency to be narcissistic when drunk, no matter what she was surrounded by.

Hurt flashed across his face and he opened his mouth.

"Save it." She said in a wobbly whisper. He clenched his jaw shut and she slipped out from between his body and the doorway. Another thought ran through his mind, pushing all the others out. He quickly ran after her, shouting her name.

"Meredith!" he called, racing after her. She spun on her spot.

"What?! What could you possibly want now?" She asked in a frustrated tone.

"You're not driving." He said catching up with her.

"What? Derek, it was three shots, that's it--"

"I don't care, that's still too many, I do not want to be paged into work to work on a head trauma from a car accident, only to find you lying on the table!" He said insistently.

Her eyes flickered across his face and her lips trembled for a moment before she straightened up.

"Fine. I'll sleep in an on call room." She said, turning away from him again. He sighed, running a frustrated hand through his hair. It wasn't what he would have hoped for, but it was better than the alternative. His stomach turned at the thought of her being in an accident, at the thought of working on her, making sure she was ok… there was no way in hell he would let any other neuro-surgeon work on her.

He turned and went back into the bar, ordering his drink as he sat down in a corner. The drink was placed in front of him and he took a gulp from it, the ice tinkling against the glass.

All of a sudden there was a person next to him.

"Hey Dr. Shepherd."

He looked over at the girl and forced a smile. "Dr. Grey."

_We'll blow it away, blow it away.  
Can we make this something good?  
Well, I'll try to do it right this time around._

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**_So um... not much to say there really... the day ended. Yup, these three chapters have been day one. And Mer got a little drunk and said some stuff... that she may or may not regret later... we'll see. Sorry, it's late so I'm a little out of it... I'll see if I can get on tomorrow to explain stuff... comments? Thanks for the ones so far, I really appreciate them!!_**  



	4. Let's Start Over

**_Disclaimer: -Walks up to a microphone- If I owned Grey's Anatomy…. –trails off and gets lost in a dream-_**

It's a bit short [sorry! but the next one should be longer... this is basically reflection... very Derek centric... it's the tippy, tippy end of day one... tomorrow's a new day, with new events!!

This takes place right after last chapter… and I do mean right after… go

Lexie flashed Derek a smile as she rested her drink on the table in front of them.

"How are you tonight? Do you come here often? I mean, I've only seen interns in here before… an occasional resident, but never attendings… although I guess you were in here the first night I was here, so I guess attendings do come here." Lexie rambled on and on, and Derek marveled at how much she and Meredith were alike. Although when he thought about it, Thatcher had been a rambler that night he and Meredith had had dinner with him and Susan.

"Dr. Grey," he interrupted her, a small smile on his face.

"Lexie," she said with a cute smile.

He paused, his features frozen and his tongue stiff, before he finally spoke again.

"Lexie…" he agreed. He looked back towards the bar for a moment.

"I see you met your sister." He said and she nodded.

"Yeah… I met her earlier actually, right after we talked in the elevator. She's very…"

She paused, looking for words to describe her and Derek watched her carefully. "She's kind of… "

_"Smart, beautiful, incredible, amazing in and out of bed, tiny," _words flooded his head.

"Flighty. Stiff. Nice and all but not very personable." Lexie finally said. Derek blinked at her for a moment. "And she looks like she drinks a lot." She added on.

That was funny, Derek had to admit. He chuckled a little and shook his head, taking a sip of his drink. He bared his teeth as the alcohol slid down his throat and he placed his drink down again.

"She ah… has had a lot to drink about in the last year or so…" Derek said. He was explaining for Meredith. Why on earth was he explaining for Meredith?

"Oh yeah, I know that her mother died," Lexie nodded before taking a sip of her drink.

"There was a lot more than that…" Derek said quietly, staring guiltily at his drink. He still couldn't forgive himself for making the mistake that he did.  
"Dad said that she wound up getting in some sort of relationship with her boss." Lexie rolled her eyes. "He said he's supposed to be nice, charming and smart, and a whole bunch of other things, but I haven't seen her with anyone lately." She took another sip of her drink and he tightened his grip around his own glass.

"They… aren't really together anymore." He murmured. Lexie eyed him curiously. "How would you know?" She asked but he had already gotten up from his seat.

"I'm sorry Dr. Grey, but I have to go… early day tomorrow." He lied. Truthfully he couldn't stand to talk to her. Not because she was unpleasant… in fact if he were honest with himself she was rather nice to be around. But she had small habits that painfully reminded him of the sister that he had forbidden from driving less than half an hour ago.

"Oh yeah, of course. I totally understand. Good night Dr. Shepherd." She smiled at him and he nodded at her before throwing down a few bills and leaving the bar.

He sighed as he stepped out into the cool, Seattle night. He breathed deeply, looking at the glowing hospital that towered above him across the street. He wondered, just for a moment, if she really had gone there.

He crossed the street, taking long purposeful strides until he reached the entrance, walking through the lobby to a staircase, throwing the door open and bounding up the stairs, not really aware of what he was doing. Even if she was in an on call room, he had no way of knowing which one.

He finally arrived at the floor he wanted and he pulled open the door, stepping into the brightly lit hallway. He quickly walked down the hall, peeking into rooms left and right, looking for a familiar flash of blonde hair, maybe a tan bag lying on the floor, and snores that could set off car alarms.

And then he heard them. The snores. Her infamous snores that only seemed to get a little louder when she had been drinking. He couldn't help the smile that spread across his face as he opened a door and looked at her sleeping figure. It melted away into a relieved expression, and he quietly closed the door as he stepped inside.

He walked closer to her, kneeling down by the bed. She'd be out cold, not moving even if the world was ending… that he remembered. He brushed her hair back from her head, his eyes tracing over her body… the body he wished he'd spent more time studying.

He closed his eyes and rested his head near hers, breathing in, tears forming beneath his closed eyes as he smelled the familiar lavender scent. He tangled his fingers in her blonde locks, clinging for dear life. The last time he'd done this was the last time she'd been to his trailer… the night before Susan died….

His mouth trembled and he fought to stop it. Alcohol always made him more emotional, but he would not cry… he couldn't… it hurt like hell, no, worse, but he wouldn't cry. He wouldn't cry over the last time they'd been together. He wouldn't cry over all the time they'd lost… over all the time his trying with Addison had robbed them of. He wouldn't cry over how stubborn they both were… he wouldn't cry over so many things. He wouldn't.

He took a deep, shaky breath, and he looked up. She was still fast asleep, her mouth open, her snores louder than ever. He never thought he'd see the day when he missed those snores. He should have been in bed with her every night, memorizing the pattern of her snores… if there even was one.

He kissed her forehead, resting his against hers as he breathed in once again. He missed her, god he missed her. It had been one day since Derek and Meredith were no longer Derek and Meredith, but it felt like one eon. He needed her in his life, but he couldn't… he couldn't have her. Not if she wasn't willing to be in it. He would never force her into something against her will. Which was why he'd asked her to put him out of his misery. If she wasn't in this, if she didn't want this… he wouldn't hold her back.

That didn't mean it didn't hurt like hell.

He contemplated over spending the night with her… even on the floor. Just to be near her again, he wanted that more than anything, but he decided he might have a rather unpleasant morning if she found him there.

He got up, sparing her one more glance before opening the door, and leaving.

_Let's start over.  
I'll try to do it right this time around._

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**_There we go! Sorry for the wait... you wouldn't BELIEVE the trouble I've been having with my computer lately... anyway... I'll explain more later! It's kind of self explanatory though. :DThanks SO SO SO SO SO SO SO much to those who review this and those who bump this!!! It means a lot to me.  
And for those of you who have any doubt... MerDer. MerDer all the way. Lexie won't even be a blip on Derek's radar. Well, she will, cause she and Mer are related... but yeah, you get my point.  
Next chapter will be posted ASAP:D_**


	5. You're the Only One

**_Disclaimer: Shonda never puts us on a million week hiatus unless it's for the holidays. I on the other hand did… so it pains me to say this, but clearly I don't own Grey's Anatomy…_**

So here it is... that super duper wuper long update that you've all been waiting for... hope you enjoy!

The sound of a pager startled Meredith awake. Her eyes flew open and she looked around quickly, trying to take in her surroundings before she reached for her bag, digging through it. She squinted in the darkness, trying to read it.

"Crap."

She muttered. Although she was a resident now, she still had rounds to do. And according to her pager she had already missed five pages signally the start of them, not counting the sixth one she had just received. She swung her legs over the side of the bed as she sat up, grabbing her head as a sharp pain ran through her head. She blinked a few times and stars swam in front of her eyes as she shook her head. She sighed, carefully standing up and she scrunched up her nose as she tried to remember how she'd wound up here the night before. She vaguely remembered going to Joe's, followed by some shots, and then her sister… her so called sister, had sat down next to her. She'd left… she'd left….

She frowned, trying to remember what happened next. She couldn't figure out why she hadn't tried to drive home. Not that she was complaining, she didn't really want to be waking up in a hospital bed with cuts all over her body instead of where she had actually woken up. She would probably remember soon enough anyway… she'd just woken up, this was just the usual fuzz that tequila left over her memory.

Her pager went off again and she groaned. She braced herself before she opened the door, light from the hallway flooding the doorway. She walked through the hallway, ignoring the stares of several nurses and doctors as she made her way to the now empty locker room. She opened her locker and quickly changed, tying her hair back as she left the room, her pager going off non-stop. She sighed as she made her way to the nurses station and picked up the armful of charts, each containing the various cases she had to work on throughout the day, and she trudged to the elevator, flipping through the first chart on her way.

She closed the first one and was juggling with the pile to get to the second, when she suddenly bumped into something – rather someone – and her charts fell onto the floor, flying across the smooth tile.

"Sorry," she muttered, not looking to see who she had bumped into. She bent down and began to gather them in her arms, and she saw a familiar hand move forward towards her, holding one of her charts. She stiffened before slowly raising her eyes to look into the blue orbs that belonged to Derek Shepherd.

The miserable blue orbs that were surrounded by dark circles, a tired, drawn face, and rumpled hair.

"Here you go." His voice broke the silence and she paused for a moment before her trembling hand took the chart from his. "Th-thanks." She mumbled, dropping her eyes down the pile in her arms. Neither of them moved for a moment, both of them still crouched on the floor, and Meredith felt his hand brush against her cheek for a moment.

"Mer…"

She quickly cleared her throat, shooting up from her position.

"I have to go." She said hurriedly, spinning on her heel and walking down the hall towards the stairs. Screw the elevators she should have known they were a bad choice to begin with. Even if they hadn't had the collision in the elevator, it had still been on the way.

She was never taking an elevator ever again.

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"Dr. Grey!" A voice boomed behind Lexie and she spun quickly, glancing every which way as she tried to find the source. Finally she found it. The cocky, arrogant, smug-smile-wearing figure of Dr. Mark Sloan.

"Dr. Sloan."

His grin widened as he walked up to her, holding out a chart to her.

"I've requested you today. You're with me on a basic rhinoplasty." He informed her. She took the chart and arched an eyebrow.

"Really?" she asked warily.

She had reason to be skeptical; she'd heard the rumors about Mark Sloan. He never let his interns do anything besides fetch his coffee, pastries, and lunch, along with the various other chores her made them do. The only time he let them scrub in was if he wanted in their scrubs, and as this was only her second, technically third day as an intern, she had her guard up.

He nodded, crossing his arms in front of her chest. "Yes, really."

"No coffee? No donuts? No inappropriate comments?"

She was testing her luck, she knew that. An intern questioning an attending was not exactly ethical.

"Coffee? Later. Donuts?" his face screwed up in thought for a moment. "Not really in the mood for those today. Maybe a pastrami sandwich at lunch. Inappropriate comments?" his grin returned, eyes twinkling. "Only if you ask for them."

Lexie fought back a groan as she flipped open the chart.

This was going to be a long, long day.

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Meredith sat in the gallery watching her sister assist Mark on a rhinoplasty. Alex was beside her, griping about how he never got to scrub in with Mark, calling him a bunch of inappropriate names that he wouldn't have been caught _dead_ saying if Mark could hear him. Izzie was mutely nodding her head in agreement from time to time, occasionally slapping Alex on the arm if he got too carried away.

Meredith on the other hand would have said most of those names deserved to be pawned off on her _dear_ half-sister. She'd been an intern for less than four days and already she's scrubbed in with two major chiefs, neuro and plastics. Four days and she'd already managed to worm her way into more surgeries than she'd had when she was starting out. What did she have that Meredith didn't? Meredith was just as good, if not better, she had Ellis Grey as a mother… that was a fact she usually tried to suppress, but today she would say anything to prove that she was better than that girl that stood in the OR below her. The gallery door creaked open and Meredith glanced over to see who had come in, her breath hitching instantly in her throat.

Derek looked at her and swallowed, folding his arms over his chest as he leaned against the doorframe. He focused his gaze on the OR, glancing back to Meredith occasionally who tried to keep her eyes focused on the surgery that was being performed. It was only a rhinoplasty, she'd seen a lot of them before, but she would look at anything that would keep her eyes away from him.

Before she knew it, the surgery was over and Mark signaled up to the gallery that they could now make whatever noise they wished to. A few of Lexie's friends and fellow interns broke out in applause, whistling, cat-calling and laughing, while a few residents gave a nod to show their approval as they left the gallery. Lexie's smile was obvious behind the mask that she wore and Meredith saw her eyes flicker to the corner of the gallery. Meredith looked to where her gaze had fallen and felt numb when she realized that Lexie was looking at Derek, and Derek was looking at Lexie, with a smile on his face that used to be reserved only for Meredith. He nodded his head lightly before slowly leaving the gallery.

Meredith's jaw dropped slightly and she turned quickly, stumbling over a few chairs on her way out, ignoring Alex and Izzie as she fumbled with the gallery door. She yanked it open and left the room on shaking legs, walking as quickly as she could. She walked past the scrub room and nearly slammed into a figure.

"Sorry," she mumbled. "I wasn't…" she looked up to a pair of familiar eyes. "Nice surgery," she forced a smile as she complimented Mark. "It was… nice."

He grinned lightly. "Thanks. It might have been more fun if you were with me though. But having you in the gallery was a nice touch."

Meredith rolled her eyes and began to walk. "Isn't my sister enough for you? She seems to be the latest intern that everyone is settling for lately." Her voice was laced with bitterness and Mark didn't miss it. He caught up with her and grabbed her by the arm, his eyes uncharacteristically dark with concern, his brow creased as he frowned at her.

"Meredith, what's going on?" he asked slowly and carefully. Meredith looked up at him and opened her mouth for a moment before pausing. It closed and she looked away, trying to make up her mind about whether she should say anything or not, and if so, what.

"I…" she pressed her lips together for a moment before continuing. "I can't… Derek and Lexie…"

Mark blinked for a moment. "What about them?"

Meredith gave a half-hearted shrug. "Nothing… I don't think, I just…" she bit her lip. "Derek and I, we met in a bar before my first day. And we started this thing and now this thing is…" she swallowed. "It's over, and he met Lexie in the bar too, before her first day." Mark's eyebrows shot up for a moment and he opened his mouth to say something but she cut him off. "And now she's getting picked for surgeries and she's getting looks from Derek that I… and she's great and smart and… she's a surgeon all on her own and she didn't need the famous mother to get everything and now she's going to… and Derek, he could take her, he should take her because I mean she's… she doesn't have the baggage, she doesn't have, she doesn't have, she doesn't have…"

At some point tears had started to spill over, panicked tears, frightened tears, and Meredith's ramblings were put on hold as she fought to control them. A pair of strong arms went around her and her face was pressed against a solid chest. Her shoulders shook as she cried and Mark's hand moved up and down in smooth motions across her back. If Meredith found this strange, she didn't show it… not that she could. Mark made low, comforting shushing sounds and people passed in the hallway, staring at them, pointing and whispering, not bothering to hide it. Mark glared at them when he could but other than that he didn't move. Lexie left the scrub room at the same time another figure clad in dark blue appeared at the end of the hallway.

Lexie's eyebrows rose in surprise and her jaw dropped slightly as she stared at the head of plastics who had his arms around her sister, her sobbing sister. She stared at them for a moment before her head snapped towards the person who stood at the end of the hall… the very angry and pained person.

Derek stood there, watching his ex-best friend hug his… his eyes shut sharply. He couldn't even think of the term that now described Meredith. He took a breath before opening his eyes. His ex-best friend had his arms wrapped around his Meredith… that alone was enough to make his blood boil as he was still touchy about the seduction of his wife. But what made it worse, if possible, was that Meredith was obviously crying… it should have been him who was comforting her, him holding her, him, him, _him_! He took a few steps forward but stopped.

Meredith raised her head slowly from Mark's shoulder, sniffling a little as she brushed her hair back from her face. She looked at him for a moment and Mark took a step back.

"I'm glad I was there for you Grey, but if you ever tell anybody about this…" he paused. "Lapse in judgment…" he trailed off and Meredith chuckled lightly. "Your dirty secret is safe with me." She promised him. He grinned and nodded before turning to go down the hall, stopping as he saw Derek. Meredith followed his gaze and her eyes darkened, her lips pressed into a thin line. She walked down the hall, slowly and steadily, her eyes never leaving Derek's face. She tried to show him every emotion she was feeling, but she felt her steely resolve crack slightly when she got to see his face in detail. There was pain there, and anger. He swallowed thickly and opened his mouth, but she snapped her head away and quickened her pace before he could say anything.

Derek turned back to look at Mark, Lexie looking back and forth between them from the scrub room doorway. The three of them exchanged glances before Derek shook his head and led the way down the hall, back into the bright and bustling main floor.

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"Grey!"

Lexie jumped and swiveled in the chair that she sat in at the nurses station. Mark shoved a few dollar bills over to her and she stared at them.

"What is this for?" she questioned him.

"Well usually people use money to buy things. Food, clothes, sex--"

Lexie rolled her eyes and cut him off. "I know that. But why are you giving it to me?"

"You're my intern aren't you?"

"For the day." Lexie grudgingly admitted.

"Well, remember before when you asked me if I wanted a donut?"

"Yeah…"

"And what did I say?"

"You said that you might want a pastrami sandwich."

Mark nodded.

"Exactly. I'd like that pastrami sandwich now. Not too much mayo, make sure it's fresh." He started to turn but stopped. "Oh, and while you're at it," he tossed a few more bills into the pile. "Get yourself something to eat. Whatever it is it'll be better than that crap you're eating right now." He motioned to the barely touched tuna salad she'd gotten from the cafeteria.

Lexie wanted to protest, she really did. After all, she was a surgical intern! She was at the hospital to learn from what she'd heard were the very best in the country. She wasn't a personal assistant! But her lunch was horrible and he'd pretty much offered to buy her something that had half a chance of being decent… so she supposed that just this once, she could run the errand.

She picked up the money and got out of the chair, walking to the elevator. She was a little surprised when it arrived virtually right away, and she stepped on, a pretty blonde doctor the only other occupant.

She pressed her floor number and the doors closed, silence falling upon the two people.

Izzie watched the number panel, absorbed in her thoughts. She missed George. She kept expecting to see him around every corner, and yet he was never there. She missed talking with him, she missed laughing with him, and she missed just being with him… she swallowed hard as she realized that she meant that in more ways than one. She tried to think that maybe if she had never told him how she felt, that maybe, just maybe, he'd still be there, but she didn't know that, not for sure. She sighed and shifted in her spot, a voice startling her out of her thoughts.

"Hi," the girl with brown hair said tentatively.

Izzie flashed her a tense smile. "Hi," Izzie paused for a moment. "New intern?"

"Hmm? Oh yeah, I am… this is only like my third day working here or something… I've kind of lost track of time."

Izzie shared a laugh with her. "Yeah I know what you mean. For me it seemed like My first day was just one long day instead of two… but I did spend most of it doing rectals," she recalls, an unpleasant expression on her face. Lexie twinned her expression. "Wow, that…"

"Sucks." Izzie finished for her. "What have you been doing the past three days?" she asked good naturedly. Lexie smiled widely. "This sounds insane, but I've actually already gotten to scrub in on two surgeries."

"Oh yeah! You were the one that was with Dr. Sloan this morning right?"

"Yeah, and yesterday I was with Dr. Shepherd." Lexie grinned excitedly. Izzie froze for a moment, gears turning in her head. She'd heard Meredith talk about Lexie, but she'd never actually seen her or met her in person. Meredith made her sound awful, but this girl was actually kind of nice… it couldn't be _the_ Lexie… could it?

She extended her hand towards the girl. "I'm Dr. Isobel Stevens, but everyone calls me Izzie."

Lexie took her hand. "I'm um… 'Dr.' Lexie Grey... I still can't get used to that title," she said with a chuckle.

"Grey?" Izzie murmured.

"Yeah… you might know my uh… sister, Meredith."

Izzie nodded slowly. "Yeah, I…" she trailed off and the elevator doors opened. "I um, have to go." She said before stepping off the elevator.

"Well… bye! It was nice talking to you!" Lexie called. Izzie nodded tersely before taking off down the hall. The doors closed again and she spent the rest of the ride wondering what it was that made people run from her like that every time after they found out her last name.

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Meredith paced in an on call room, thinking to herself. She had finally remembered what had happened last night… she and Derek had said stuff. She'd accused him of doing the same things to Lexie that he'd done to her, and he'd stopped her from driving because he didn't want to get paged into work to find her there. This was… not good, not bad… it didn't really have a word she supposed. It just was.

She'd done her charts earlier in a rush, and now there was nothing left for her to do. She couldn't leave, Bailey would have a fit even if she wasn't her resident anymore, and Callie might cause a scene… it hadn't been long since George had stopped roaming the halls, but it was clear that his absence was affecting everyone. Callie would use anything and everything in order to scream out her frustrations.

So leaving was out of the question. But facing Derek and Lexie was even further out of the question. She was having enough of a hard time with the… the break up was it was. After all… he was everywhere, all the time. Sooner or later she knew that something was going to happen. Someone was going to crack and do or say something, anything! Who, when, where and how remained unknown however.

Her pager went off and she stopped her pacing sharply, squinting down at it in the darkness. "911. Crap," she thought to herself before sighing. Pit consults could be anything and she hoped to god that it wasn't neuro. She snorted with dry laughter. "Although if it is, I guess I don't have to worry about anything. Derek will just get his new favorite intern to help him with it," she thought bitterly to herself as she swung the door open and left the on call room. There was a line a mile long for the elevators so she decided to take the stairs, which was probably a smart idea anyway she thought to herself. Her footsteps clanged, making the stairway sound empty and hollow… which it was, but it seemed even more so today. She reached her floor and just as she was about to open the door it swung towards her and she let out a startled sound.

Deep blue eyes met hers and she stared at him for a moment. He grabbed her firmly by the arms and brought her body close to his, beginning to utter her name but she pulled free, looking down towards the floor.

"I have to go… consult in the pit…" she murmured, slinking past him before he could catch her.

Derek ran a frustrated hand through his hair. That, apart from the time when he'd ran into her first thing that morning, was the only contact he'd had with her all day. It was worse then when he and Addison were together, it was worse then the last few weeks of their relationship, when they'd had barely any contact at all. He missed her more than he ever thought possible, and this time he didn't have Addison, the square piece that he tried to fit into the hole in his heart. He had nothing to distract him from the pain and the loneliness of being without her, without his Meredith.

He missed her so damn much.

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She did the consult in automatic mode. After seeing Derek in the stairway… she couldn't think. If she bothered to think about anything, she'd be done for. She had to get out of that hospital, she at least needed a break from the never ending elevator and stairway bump ins. She needed a break from the O.Rs where looks where shared, she needed a break from the hallways that were filled with memories.

She went to the elevator, a mistake she knew, but what could she do? Even though she wanted to, she couldn't avoid them forever and it seemed that the stairs were no safer. She got in, and sure enough, he was the only other person in the tiny metal box. She looked at him for a moment before getting in quietly and pressing her floor button. The doors closed after what seemed like a century and they both stood their quietly, him resting on the backmost wall, she standing as close to the front as she could.

She felt like she couldn't breathe. Everything was closing in on her, the feeling only enhanced by the contraption she was currently in. Damn the person who ever invented elevators!

She heard him move behind her, and in a few shuffling footsteps her was behind her. He was close, very close and in that moment, time stopped. She couldn't breathe! And yet when she did her breaths came in short, constricted gasps that she tried to contain as if something horrible would happen if he heard her breathing. He opened his mouth to say something but the words seemed to be glued to his tongue. He closed his mouth and swallowed, stepping even closer, his eyes closing as he caught a waft of her lavender conditioner.

_It was an early Sunday morning. They both had the day off and she was playing with her hair, twirling the ends on her fingers, her long beautiful fingers. He was trying to get her attention, he wanted to hold her, wanted to have her near him but she was forever engaged with her hair. It was annoying, really. Forget the fact that he wanted sex, he really did want to have her near him. That week had been hell and they'd barely slept in the same bed at all! He'd missed her but apparently she was obsessed with her hair._

"I'm thinking about changing my conditioner," she announced to him, still gazing wryly at the ends she held between her finger tips. "I think it has now inexplicably chosen to stop working and it's getting to be as dry as… as… as my bones," she said.

Change her conditioner? What for? He loved her conditioner it smelled like lavender… it helped Meredith smell like Meredith.

"What do you think?" she asked him, looking down in his direction. Finally, he groaned to himself. He looked back at her for a moment before his arms shot out and he pulled her down, her body lying over his. She let out a shriek in surprise and she clutched at his shoulders to steady herself while he chuckled and began to attack her neck with gentle, nipping kisses, reveling in her taste, a thing he hadn't gotten to do for a very, very long time.

"I think…" he began in a mumbled voice against her neck. "That you need to stop being so overly obsessed about your hair, and instead be overly obsessed with your boyfriend who has perfect hair," he said.

She groaned but he couldn't tell whether it was from frustration or pleasure. "Derek, seriously, how can you want sex this early in the morning?" she asked, her tone incredulous.

"I don't want sex," he lied. "I want you." Admittedly, the last part wasn't a lie. She lifted her neck away from his hungry mouth and looked down at him, stroking her fingers through his hair, a small smile on her face.

"Oh? You _don't want sex?" she asked in amusement. He grinned up at her and placed one hand firmly on the back of her head, bringing her mouth to his with a crashing force. He broke the kiss once he heard her moan, satisfied with his efforts and he grinned. "No," he said, taking pleasure in the annoyed look that flitted across her face. "Ass," she hissed, starting to roll off him. He caught her round the waist and shifted, rolling to pin her beneath him. "I am aren't I?" and he silenced her response with a kiss. _  
Derek took a deep breath, her scent filling his nostrils. Memories came flooding back to him and he couldn't stop the words that tumbled from his mouth.

"I miss you," he whispered, his voice low and directly in her ear. He felt her shiver and he swore he heard a small whimper escape her mouth.

"Derek…" she said in a broken voice. Any resolve they both had started to crumble as he gripped her arm, turning her to him and he placed his hand on her cheek, his thumb stroking in quick, firm motions, missing the feel of her skin beneath his.

"I…" she opened her mouth but they were interrupted when the elevator reached its destination.

"I… I have to… I can't," she said as she tore herself from him and ran out of the elevator. He let out a raspy sigh, and the doors closed on him, shielding her fleeing form from his eyes.

"Damn it," he muttered to himself.

_This love is killing me,  
But you're the only one.  
It's not over._

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